Picture this: Early in the morning, at the most eerily painful of hours, your alarm goes off. You look at the clock and its 5:15 am! Your eyes open in a jolt of madness, your mind whimpers and your heart shudders. All kinds of things wander upon your head. Conference calls, project deadlines and meetings. The whole works!
So much to do and never a substantial amount of time. Why, you ask?
You pounce for your phone, clawing it in your paws, whilst walking into the shower. You scroll through it, still half asleep!
You know she’s not up, you can hear her breath in the bedroom, her soft breaths filling the air between you and the person your phone! You send this person a text “Hello! Good morning to the most beautiful girl in the world! I hope you have the most amazing day today boo”
This text is a very calculated act of emotional and mental resonance from you. You have this routine fully regimented. You do it without fail. You do so because you want this person to know that she is the first thing that fills the confines of your mind every morning the moment you wakeup – regardless of how, where and when you are, no matter what the day beholds and how hectic your schedule gets – this woman is always your utmost and foremost priority.
Perfect, isn’t it? Heaven, no? Not so much.
Chances are that you’ll go on Facebook or sign in to your Instagram account, creeping other people’s lives, and maybe you just might send that text to your woman on the way to work.
See, the thing is that relationships in this day and age have evolved to an unrecognizable façade. What does it even mean to be ‘dating’ anymore? What does that word stand for? Does it entail chilling a few times a month, hanging out for coffee, sending lovey dovey emoticons via text and social media all day, kissing and hugging and maybe if there’s time making unrushed love at – some point?
It seems as though the x-factor that used to make relationships the most profound of bonds between a man and a woman, remains no more. What is it? What is causing relationships to derail and become stagnant to a point where they become painful instead of enjoyable, heart wrenching instead of fulfilling?
The truth of the matter is, that any human interaction, relationship or bond that relies on emotional, mental and intellectual frequencies between two people, will always fundamentally be reliant on ‘communication’. Human beings are social creatures, and thus as part of our innate modus-operandi, we crave communication as it fulfills the pathological and biological purpose of our being. Thus, relationships – one way or another – derive their intrinsic substance from the level and quality of communication present between two people. No communication means a breakdown of emotional, mental and intellectual frequencies, which in turn ends up in a downward spiral where key elements such as love, respect and trust in a relationship consequentially deteriorate, until nothing exists to keep the relationship afloat.
Since relationships blossom and thrive on communication, it is logical to believe that our most inner sentiments and personal emotions are reserved for the one person we truly love. Thus, how can it be possible to not express those emotions via the process of communication; a process we have already established as being a detrimental one to the success or failure of a relationship?
The problem today is that we’ve inadvertently, subconsciously and even willingly accepted things that were always unacceptable before. Things such as sitting like hypnotized zombies on the dinner table with our smartphones out, having crucial personal arguments via text messaging and most frighteningly broadcasting every moment and juncture of our lives and its happenings on social media for the world to see.
As a by-product and evolved ramification of this, our societies have unknowingly accepted and embraced relationships in which we are being cheated on every single day, one way or another, in some form or level. Cheating has become the daily staple and functional dynamic of the blood that runs through the arteries of human relationships today.
What is cheating? Now, when we think of cheating in the conventional manner or the idea of cheating from a traditional understanding, then having sexual intercourse with someone ‘outside’ of the relationship comes to mind. The same sexual connotation comes to mind when we think of the phrase ‘extra-marital affair’ as well. Thus, cheating in the conformist sense of our societal understanding means that the person whom you love, cherish and devoutly commit to with all your heart, mind, body and soul, is infact placing himself or herself in a situation with someone else where intimacy is being practiced without your knowledge. You carry on living your life submitting yourself to this person with genuine compassion, unconditional respect and unwavering devotion, all the while not knowing that the very sanctity of that bond is not being fulfilled at the other end.
Lying, by its very nature is meant to crumble or be exposed at some point or another. Which is why once you find out that your partner has been cheating on you, all that trust which took years to build is lost in the blink of an eye. Nonetheless, the premise of interest is the concept of cheating itself. Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary defines cheating as the “deprivation of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud”.
Indeed, the act of sexual intercourse or anything that constitutes physical intimacy is cheating, and truly one of the most painful of realities. However, have you ever stopped for a second to ponder the fact that you are being cheated upon and cheated ‘out of’ your relationship every single day?
Cheating automatically entails a lack of empathy, intimacy, communication and even a decreased sense of love and compassion. Why have we as a society become so okay with this and embraced all the fangled shortcuts of communication that have become all so common? This sort of a cheating is actually the most lethal form and causes far more mental disparagement, emotional torment and physical anguish than any kind of sexual affair your partner may indulge in.
Essentially, you have allowed this person into your life, you’ve put yourself in a vulnerable position and despite of being exposed to the risk of pain and sorrow, you’ve given this person your beating heart. You love this person with every inch of your existence and the very depth of your body, and yet you find yourself always begging for his or her attention.
Your day consists of sitting back and observing this person blatantly go online, post status updates on his or her Instagram and Facebook about the most useless of things, or seek attention by posting pictures in the hopes of other people commenting.
Here’s the thing. Partners need to take a minute to reassure each other. Reassurance can be a physical compliment, a nice gesture, a romantic surprise or a simple kiss. You need to tell your woman that she is beautiful. Surprise her by calling her randomly after office just to say, “I’m taking you out for dinner somewhere special tonight, get dressed in 30 minutes”.
Effort and intention is everything! Love conquers all, and true love needs a chance again – the old fashioned way!
The enchantment and magic that one experiences whilst holding hands, pulling out her chair, spontaneously going out for a walk to watch the sunset and sending her roses just to decorate a smile across her face, is the kind of experience that should never be forgotten. Such fundamental yet innocent and powerful yet simple facets of love, companionship, and mutual joy should never be taken for granted. They should be practiced with undying zeal and unconditional passion.
Life is too short to let it wither away like a dying flower with no water or sunlight to maintain its grace. Be insane, be free-spirited, be like children when it comes to the gift of love. The beauty of companionship, the majestic essence of relationships, the wonder of transcending love and the promise that such a bond holds – can only be truly attained when two people are willing to be vulnerable for one another, and thus in the process becoming free. You can’t be free when you’re enslaved in a cocoon of your own making; preoccupied and engulfed with other peoples lives; imprisoning yourself with what they do and who they’re with. None of that matters!
What matters is YOU. Focus on yourself and that one person who means the most to you. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, truth of the matter is that you and your significant other are all you really have. The world moves on and has moved on since time immemorial; kings have passed away, civilizations have risen and fallen and they’ve sent men into space, yet the world will always keep turning round and round.
Whatever time you have on this planet, use it wisely and effectively. Appreciate one another and show – through words and actions – how much you mean to eachother. Most importantly, take a deep breath, put your phone down, and dial into the heart and mind of what’s in front of you. Her!
Main photo credit: Here